


Live

by ladygrey_14



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Depression, Geass, Geass Command, Live, Mourning, Podfic Available, Post-Zero Requiem, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 13:56:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19947271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladygrey_14/pseuds/ladygrey_14
Summary: Three months after Zero Requiem, the commanding voice rings through Suzaku's head as his attacker drops to the ground."Live!"After a year, the voice whispers on a constant loop, echoing sadly in the silence.





	Live

**Author's Note:**

> Audio version (podfic) available for my blind and visually-impaired friends - and for those who just prefer listening to reading! (Length: 9 minutes)
> 
> https://soundcloud.com/user-753088271/live 
> 
> (Recorded by the author in one sitting - raw single file, unedited).

The first time it happened again was three months after Zero Requiem.

Empress Nunnally had been on her way out of the palace to attend a United Federation of Nations assembly when two of her royal guards broke off from formation, one launching himself at the Empress and the other at Zero. Suzaku had barely registered the slight glint of the sun on a reflective surface in his peripheral vision when his body moved of its own accord, plunging his own sword through a light-gray clad chest. The haze lifted as the first guard's body hit the ground, eyes open and unseeing. He quickly turned to Nunnally, who by some stroke of luck seemed to have been knocked sideways by the force of the attack, the back of her wheelchair providing some temporary protection from the scrambling second attacker as the other guards reacted and shot the would-be-assassin.

Suzaku fell to his knees, trembling. He vaguely registered the muted yells of the royal guards around him; the helmets of the two deceased attackers being removed. The slight, warm pressure of Nunnally's hand clenching his shoulder – when had someone pulled her upright?

"… Suzaku?"

Suzaku was brought back to the present from the shock of hearing his given name spoken out loud – the Empress had quickly figured out who was behind the mask after Zero Requiem, but had only ever addressed him by his title after her brother's death. Kururugi Suzaku was dead to the world, his tombstone casting shadows on an empty grave. He panicked, worried about the guards overhearing, before noticing that they were alone. When had the royal guards left? He stood slowly, smoothing out his cape.

"My apologies, Your Highness. I seem to have been shocked by the attack – I don't know what came over me. Are you harmed?"

"Not at all, I'm quite alright. I was worried about you… you just killed your attacker, fell to your knees, and froze. I sent the rest of the royal guards away minutes ago, but you weren't responding to me."

"I…". He stopped, shaking his head. "It won't happen again, you have my word. Your safety is my top priority. Please, let me escort you back inside. I'll notify the UFN of the situation to explain your absence and contact the required parties to start a thorough investigation of your royal guards and palace staff."

The Empress bit her lip, looking very much like she wanted to press him further on what had caused his momentary freeze-up. She sighed and shook her head.

"Very well, Zero. Please let me know if you require me to provide official approval to get the process started."

***

That night, Suzaku removed his mask and sat on the edge of his mattress, his face in his hands. He'd heard it, he was sure of it. Louder and clearer than he ever had before.

" _Live!_ "

Of course, he was well aware of the Geass that Lelouch had cast on him. He vaguely remembered hearing the command a handful of times before Zero Requiem – before Kamine Island, before firing the F.L.E.I.J.A. The voice had been faint then, and nearly impossible to recall afterwards. This time, he had heard it as distinctly as if the speaker had yelled it in his ear, and he remembered it clearly now. Loud, commanding and certain. A voice he hadn't heard since it'd whispered a wish to him three months ago.

***

Suzaku had never really worried about forgetting Lelouch's voice. The clear, crystalline voice of the child prince; the suave, sarcastic voice of the student; the overdramatic, authoritative voice of the rebel leader; the domineering, mocking voice of the Demon Emperor... the boy had been such a significant part of his life, there was no way he could ever forget. Still, after Zero Requiem, he had wanted to look back on happier memories of his first friend – to hear him speak, to hear him laugh.

Several weeks after his friend's death, he had briefly searched for video recordings of Lelouch. Unfortunately, childhood videos of the vi Britannia children were seemingly non-existent, likely wiped out by Emperor Charles himself after their exile, or destroyed by one of his many resentful Empresses. Footage from their time at Ashford was also absent – while the siblings, Lelouch especially, were prominently featured in school albums and Student Council pictures, they had actively avoided being filmed and recorded to protect their identities.

He'd briefly considered sifting through the Office of Secret Intelligence's recordings, but had quickly discarded the idea. The Lelouch featured in them was first a brainwashed shell of the true Lelouch, then a mixture of him carefully keeping on a mask and a literally masked Sayoko. Similarly, footage of Zero and the Demon Emperor didn't actually feature Lelouch, but rather roles he had carefully cultivated and played, tailored to his rapt audiences.

But this… the "Live" that had rang through his head as the guard attacked him… that was _Lelouch_. There was no dishonesty in the voice, no lies, no masks... and it was addressed to him. Only him.

Suzaku held on to the echoes of the command for days, his heart clenching.

***

After the attack, which the investigation revealed had been plotted by a rogue group of Purists, things got eerily quiet. Empress Nunnally became trusted and even loved, first winning over the hearts of those who had previously been Numbers, then those of her Britannian subjects. As had been planned, peace spread through the old Areas and mainland Britannia.

Barely a year after Zero Requiem, with no impeding danger or rebels left to deal with, Zero's relevance quietly faded away. Suzaku still stood by Nunnally, masked as always, but rarely spoke to anyone and was rarely spoken to. No longer pleasantly distracted and occupied by everything his role had entailed, Suzaku was left to his thoughts in ever present silence.

It was then that he started hearing it again – at first, just a small voice at the back of his mind.

" _Live!_ "

The command greeted him when he woke in the morning. When he ate his meals in silence, when he stoically stood by the Empress in official meetings. He held on to the voice, cherished it, held it close to his heart.

The months passed and the voice became clearer, the only constant companion in his increasingly silent life.

" _Live!_ "

Impossibly, the voice's tone started to change. Lelouch's commanding, loud, sure voice became shakier, quieter, whispered in his head like a promise.

" _Live_."

The voice became increasingly desperate, sad even. Playing on a constant loop on his fifth day avoiding his meals, and on his ninth day locked inside his quiet room in the palace, staring up at the canopy. On his forty-second day alone in the abandoned Kururugi Shrine, surrounded by nothing but ghosts and memories, Zero's mask tossed in a corner and unable to mask the deep dark shadows under his eyes.

On a cold night, lying outside in what used to be a blooming sunflower field, it murmured to him lullingly again and again.

" _Live._ "

"I want to die", he whispered up at the stars, his voice catching in his throat.

" _Live,_ " answered the voice, pleading and regretful.

**Author's Note:**

> ... apparently, I can only write sad fanfiction.
> 
> Sorry, Suzaku!
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing this (from a Suzaku playlist by Baekhyuns-high-notes on Tumblr):  
> \- Lost it All (Black Veil Brides)  
> \- Me (1975)  
> \- No Love in War (Koethe)


End file.
